Indian Sunburn

Since it’s the Cowboys-Eagles game tonight and one of the quarterbacks (Tony Romo) has a really hot girlfriend (Jessica Simpson), I wanted to commemorate this game…indian sunburn style.

Here’s a picture of what Jessica Simpson may/may not look like with a sunburn. Even though it’s September, it’s still important to protect your skin from the sun by wearing sunscreen with an SPF of 15+ when you go outside.

Regardless of what you think of this photo, Romo will still be famous for Jessica Simpson. And McNabb will also be remembered for one lady in his life — his mom, from the Campbell’s Soup commercials.

Share This

A lot of times we get these noobies asking us, “How do I perform the proper Indian Sunburn that’s sure to leave some zing?”

Unless you were lucky enough to have the Indian Sunburn gene encoded in your DNA, you’ll have to start from scratch. It’s kind of like learning to ride a bike. You have to learn the basics before you can start popping wheelies, or in this case, giving some serious skin burnage.

The following is a good basic guide to giving an Indian Sunburn. Before all you veterans start grumbling, we remind you that this is just a beginner’s guide. We will cover more advanced techniques later.

Step 1: Select a suitable victim and approach with caution. Don’t get to anxious here, or else you’ll ruin the whole thing. Like a soccer mom scrambling for the last gallon of milk, you have to stay focused.

Step 2: Identify target arm and if necessary, remove victim’s clothing, roll up sleeves, sever arm, etc. Align and position both hands to victim’s arm. Like a cat that spies a mouse, you should be ready to pounce.

Step 3: Apply grip of death to victim’s arm. Imagine your hands are a great white shark’s jaw — now is not the time to let go.

Step 4: Twist hands in opposite direction while ignoring victim’s thrashing and pleas for help.

Step 5: Now twist hands in opposite direction, you should feel heat radiating point of contact.

Step 6: You’re almost home! If all has gone well up to this point, you should observe several layers of skin folding over themselves, like Burt Reynold’s weathered face.

Finish - Congratulations, you have passed the introductory course and are well on your way to becoming an Indian Sunburn master. Throw away all of victim’s aloe vera and suntan lotion so they can’t sooth the burn.

Before:

After:

Share This

We found this funny cartoon depicting an Indian sunburn:

‘I think your son is being bullied. He’s suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.’

We all know what its really called, and except for the wrong terminology, this is a pretty funny cartoon. Check it out here.

Share This