Indian Sunburn

This picture of Kim Kardashian with a sunburn recently surfaced on the Internet. She was reportedly sun tanning and wearing a bikini and sunglasses when she fell asleep. Oops. She definitely should have been wearing sunscreen, too.

Don’t be an idiot and fall asleep in the sun or stay out too long without the right sun tan lotion. It’s dangerous and you could end up looking as bad (or worse) as Kim Kardashian with her sunburn.

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While there is almost no chance VP candidate Joe Biden will get burned by Sarah Palin in tonight’s debate, we thought it would be fun to look at how Biden would look if he was burned by a more formidable opponent…THE SUN.

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Dear Sarah Palin,

Thanks for all you’ve done in this election. I know it was a hard fought battle, but someone has to lose. Looks like it will be you and McCain. While you never answered any questions at press conferences about your sun tan lotion use (or any questions at all), I still hope you’re having a good vacation in Tahiti. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen with spf of 15+ so you won’t look like this (see below). Happy times!

What celebrities do YOU want to see with a sunburn?

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What would a Gorilla look like on a surfboard? How many plastic surgeries has Tara Reid had? What would John McCain look like if he got sunburned?

It’s burning questions like these that keep most of us awake at night. Of course we may never know the true answer to these questions but we can speculate, right (using bad graphic representations)?

McCain Sunburned!? Must have forgotten to use sunscreen in a few key areas…

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This guy either got punked by his friends or he punked himself. I’m not sure which is is, but why does he look so proud that he has a suntan lotion handprint on his chest while the rest of him is sunburned? He obviously punked himself in the first place by not wearing suntan lotion on most of his body. This guy deserves a big Indian Sunburn on his burned arms. Then maybe he’d learn something. That’s probably asking too much though…

Keep getting burned and wearing those awesome fruit of the loom boxers, man. Hope that gets you far in life.

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Since it’s the Cowboys-Eagles game tonight and one of the quarterbacks (Tony Romo) has a really hot girlfriend (Jessica Simpson), I wanted to commemorate this game…indian sunburn style.

Here’s a picture of what Jessica Simpson may/may not look like with a sunburn. Even though it’s September, it’s still important to protect your skin from the sun by wearing sunscreen with an SPF of 15+ when you go outside.

Regardless of what you think of this photo, Romo will still be famous for Jessica Simpson. And McNabb will also be remembered for one lady in his life — his mom, from the Campbell’s Soup commercials.

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Spring is coming. We’ve showed you the horrors o f sunburn so you know that you better wear sunscreen if you’re chillin outside in the coming months.

But what about eye protection? Studies have shown that long-term exposure to ultra-violet rays (being in the sun) can harm your eyes and lead to skin cancer, cataracts and macular degeneration. Sunglasses are important in protecting your eyes because they act as a filter to shield your eyes from these UV rays.

Stunna shades are pretty much the hottest sunglasses you can buy right now. Go find some stunna shades for sale so you can look your best and protect your eyes from the sun.

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This is what happens when you repeatedly ignore warnings that you might be getting burnt–redness, pain, sun blisters, the inability of your skin to ever moisten itself. Leather skin is an understated disease, and this is the most disgusting case of leather skin I’ve ever seen.

The entire world’s supply of aloe could not help this lady out. I’m not sure which is more done- crispy bacon or her skin. If I had to choose between having the dryest elephant’s skin as my own for the rest of my life or touching that lady’s skin, I’d choose the elephant skin. I see that and I think of the scene in Christmas Vacation where they’re at Christmas dinner and they cut into the turkey. It emits puffs of smoke and hisses, because they burnt the hell out of it. This lady’s skin is so nasty, I don’t even think Uncle Eddy would eat it.

Save your skin. Use suntan lotion with an SPF of 15+. Boycott real sunburns and only practice Indian Sunburn!

A good Indian Sunburn is like a strike from a rattlesnake. Quick, painful, and definitely leaves a mark. Real sunburn, on the other hand, is not good. If you get real sunburned enough over the years your skin will look like this. And no one will touch you the rest of your life.

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Indian Sunburn is all about fun and having a good time. But one of our goals is to educate our readers about the real dangers that sun sunburns can bring. Sunburns do just that – they burn the outer layers of your skin, and can permanently damage your skin cells. This is very unhealthy and leads to ugly-looking saggy horrible skin conditions. Sunburn is also a leading cause of sun cancer.

Don’t let Sunburns Damage your Skin! Use proper sunscreen

and don’t stay outside in the sun for very long

Sunburns are not sexy

So do yourself a favor and avoid sunburn whenever possible

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A lot of times we get these noobies asking us, “How do I perform the proper Indian Sunburn that’s sure to leave some zing?”

Unless you were lucky enough to have the Indian Sunburn gene encoded in your DNA, you’ll have to start from scratch. It’s kind of like learning to ride a bike. You have to learn the basics before you can start popping wheelies, or in this case, giving some serious skin burnage.

The following is a good basic guide to giving an Indian Sunburn. Before all you veterans start grumbling, we remind you that this is just a beginner’s guide. We will cover more advanced techniques later.

Step 1: Select a suitable victim and approach with caution. Don’t get to anxious here, or else you’ll ruin the whole thing. Like a soccer mom scrambling for the last gallon of milk, you have to stay focused.

Step 2: Identify target arm and if necessary, remove victim’s clothing, roll up sleeves, sever arm, etc. Align and position both hands to victim’s arm. Like a cat that spies a mouse, you should be ready to pounce.

Step 3: Apply grip of death to victim’s arm. Imagine your hands are a great white shark’s jaw — now is not the time to let go.

Step 4: Twist hands in opposite direction while ignoring victim’s thrashing and pleas for help.

Step 5: Now twist hands in opposite direction, you should feel heat radiating point of contact.

Step 6: You’re almost home! If all has gone well up to this point, you should observe several layers of skin folding over themselves, like Burt Reynold’s weathered face.

Finish – Congratulations, you have passed the introductory course and are well on your way to becoming an Indian Sunburn master. Throw away all of victim’s aloe vera and suntan lotion so they can’t sooth the burn.

Before:

After:

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